Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
