the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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