when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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