This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
