just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
