If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
