the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
