Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
