Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
