Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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