I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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