i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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