Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
