In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
