I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
