I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
