i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
