I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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