but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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