Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh god it's open bar.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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