Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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