i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
