butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
