Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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