omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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