I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
