you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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