Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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