Jerry, you need to find god
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the day after is always just damage control
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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