Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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