as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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