...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
