Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
