I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
