I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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