i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
