We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
