Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i came on her dog
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
