I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
