I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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