Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
