I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
