I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
