That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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