Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
