i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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