hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
