Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
