belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it's like iHOP with fire
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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