I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
