I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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