Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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