My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
